_     _             
                        _ __ | |__ | | ___   __ _ 
                       | '_ \| '_ \| |/ _ \ / _` |
                       | |_) | | | | | (_) | (_| |
                       | .__/|_| |_|_|\___/ \__, |
                       |_|    ...2023-12-13 |___/ 

Intelligence, imposter syndrome, humility and calm.
After a long and satisfying discussion on IRC, I find my mind wandering in
different directions around the subjects upon which we touched.
So I don't know exactly how to start, but we discussed intelligence, IQ, what
it means, my own view on IQ is that it is probably a useful tool when applied
on masses of people, within statistics, it seems there is a positive
correlation between high IQ and good life-outcome. This tells nothing of
causality of course, and that's not very interesting to me anyway, am happy
enough with the premise that, if your wetware does well with that battery of
tests, then it on average does well with whatever tasks you need to do well at
to do well in life in general. My own IQ is not very much above the average,
which should humble me but more likely induces within me some kind of striving
to "prove it wrong" which is just stupid, a persons worth is not measured by
their IQ, and yet, I'm disappointed by not being equipped with the apex of
human intelligence generating apparatus, ashamed even? Yes, probably a bit
ashamed.. What can a person be blamed for anyway ? I'm yet a hard determinist,
so free will is out, so how does blame even work in this framework ?
Should a persons actions really be judged any more harshly than a tree
falling onto a house ? It's not like either had a choice, it's just particle
physics anyway. Any yet, here I am, ashamed that the machinery in which my
mind makes its home is inadequately constructed for the task of achieving the
finest of human thought ? What even is that ?
    
Is it some sense of guilt, or of obligation to achieve, to be good?
Am I maybe _JUST_ bright enough to not actually believe I'm an idiot ?
Yet certainly bright enough to constantly feel like one ?
I believe I feel compassion towards others, who seem incapable of understanding
the things I do, and yet I despise myself for not being smarter, is this
even possible ? Can both those feelings be true at the same time ? 
Can I look down upon myself and not upon someone less capable ?
    
Sometimes I feel as though I envy the (clinically) cognitively limited, they
seem aware of their deficiencies, without being sad that they won't ever
achieve anything truly grand, and yet somehow seem happy and maybe even
grateful to be able to do what they can do ?
I wish I could be happy doing something, knowing "this is a thing I can do"
and feel some kind of pride in that, I wish I could prove to myself that there
is something in this world I'm good for, actually, really, deeply good for.
Or maybe that's the thing that's unreasonable to expect, maybe it is not about
being really good, maybe it's about modestly appreciating being able to do
something. This is where imposter syndrome kicks in, or does it ? Because, 
while it's entirely possible for the competent to feel incompetent, we must
not forget that it is possible too, for the incompetent to feel incompetent,
yes, it IS actually possible for incompetent people to be aware of their own
incompetence, something that Dunning-Kruger made hard to believe, in a way
that study provided everyone with a false sense of security, because, after
all, the most incompetent are not even aware of their shortcomings, thus
since _I_ _AM_ aware of it, I must be in the group who evaluate themselves
as being less competent than I then _REALLY_ am, it becomes a kind of
circular logic does it not ?

I think compassion is the only way out, we must be compassionate towards
each other, no matter if the human in front of you is more or less competent
than you are yourself. We must accept limitations in ourselves, and
we must accept limitations in others, we must not look down upon someone who
cannot grasp the same ideas as we ourselves can, we must not feel guilty or
wrong for being unable to comprehend something that others do comprehend.
    
Maybe most importantly, just as we shouldn't have to feel guilty or ashamed or
bad about our own shortcomings, we shouldn't feel superior to someone on the
basis that they are unable to do what we can do. After all, they had just as
little say in their situation as we had in ours (no, no free will, not for
better, not for worse).