_ _
_ __ | |__ | | ___ __ _
| '_ \| '_ \| |/ _ \ / _` |
| |_) | | | | | (_) | (_| |
| .__/|_| |_|_|\___/ \__, |
|_| ...2017-12-10 |___/
It was crippeled from birth with Windows 8 and 32 GiB flash storage.
But it was kind of okay. Then came an upgrade to Windows 10, and things
started going even more south, it was impossible to free enough space to
actually do the update! Unfortunately, the updater would actually check the
available free disk space, deem it sufficuent and then proceed to download the
main payload, upon starting the upgrade, it would then detect that there was
too little disk space left, proceed to remove the upgrade proper and then start
downloading it again. Nice one, Microsoft.
my travel needs, and it is small and light and cheap enough to just throw in a
backpack and not worry too much about. Sure, I'd be sad if it broke, but mainly
because, then I'd not have it anymore, and I like it!
Luckily, dd if=xubuntu*.iso of=/dev/sdf created a bootable USB stick for me, and
I was then able to boot the ubuntu install(press esc right after pressing power)
and install xubuntu, yay, runs fine, yay, xfce4 is what I crave.
on my little blue laptop.
It is not that I don't have any ideas of what to write, it's just that, I kind
of thing it over at times when I'm not actually writing, and then, having
already thought about what to say, I no longer keep in mind to actually write
it down. Likely I forget to do actually write stuff down because I've already
thought it over, thus, it's processed, and my brain goes "Next!". This is
something I do too much.. I feel like stuff is done after having thought about
how to do it, and then, I never get around to actually realizing the things.
I have multiple software and hardware projects that have been fully realized,
from inception to mass-production, entirely inside my mind, and my motivation
for continuing with actually doing it drops to zero, I already got what I wanted
from them by thinking about it, so don't really need to go through the hassle
of actually doing it.
I'm still reading "What the Dormouse Said" and it's still good.
I'm also starting "Paddle your own Canoe", which seems very prommising.
I was abroad for a company event this week, it was interesting, and there was
quite a long bus travel involved getting there and getting back again.
During that long travel, I had the opportunity to just sit and ponder.
I've felt useless, incapable, unqualified and unproductive at times, and I do
struggle with an Imposter complex that is a bit on the strange side..
Just like Dunning-Krueger starts becoming weird when you think about it, and
you know about it, and you know you know... So, I'll use that as an anology
before trying to explain why my relationship with feeling as an imposter is
complex.
So, in short, Dunning-Krueger tells us that individuals who are less capable
consistently report their own skills and confidence as being signifigantly
higher than they actually are. In even shorter: They're so ignorant that they
can't understand that they're ignorant. Now...
Knowing that that kind of cognitive bias exist, and at the same time being
honest about a desire to feel intelligent (by recogition), it feels very hard
to know whether one feels inadequate because one is, because one wants to feel
that way (because it would imply that one is not) or because one is capable to
the degree of humbleness. It's the same the same dilemma with imposter syndrome,
I desire to feel capable, and that makes me biased, since I know that the
very definition of imposter syndrome is _NOT_ being an imposter, but being
actually capable, so.. Do I then feel like an imposter because I want to no
be one ? Or do I just feel like an imposter because I am actually one? I may
never know. But, I was reflecting upon that on my journey in the bus, and there
was a particular thing that humbled me, and made me feel proud, even though it
is a very very small and in may ways insignificant thing.
Some time ago, I wrote the script which is the entrypoint to our build system,
I thought about how silly a contribution tht was, but also recognized that it
is a component which is run by every member of the team, multiple times per day.
It might be one of the most used pieces of code that we have.. Granted, it's a
rather trivial thing (once you know Docker), but still. What made me proud was
not that I'd written it, it had to be written, but, rather, that nobody had
rewritten it, or changed it to any extent where it was no longer my initial
expression. That insight made me feel good. Knowing that, despite it all,
this little piece of code that I wrote, has so far, proven good enough that
nobody has felt a need to change it, they've not been unhappy enough with it
that they changed it! It's not been so buggy that it's needed patching.
I enjoy making things, and when they're used, and people are not forced to,
then it feels almost like I'm not a fake. I smiled for a bit when I realized
that.. Even if I might still be a fake.
Peace.